year-end assessment

2008 is about to end and i haven't really thought of how well or bad i did this year. have i been a burden for some? was there one person's life this year that i have touched some way? what are the things i should bring with me come 2009?

at the beginning of 2008, i was on the rocks with someone and ended a 2-year relationship. it was definitely a bad breakup. it was something that i felt i needed to do, though i know it will be hard for the both of us. it took a lot of tears, sleepless nights and adjustments before i was able to smile and be genuinely happy.

at the office, i had to transfer teams and in the beginning it became a dilemma for me bec i don't handle changes very well. although i felt that its about time to experience the leadership of others, i was deeply worried if i will get along with my new colleagues (thankfully i did Ü).

and then i met this guy. during the early months we went along so well. i guess what i loved about what we had is that we're both conversationalists. we share so much stuff together. i loved our routine of eating out after work, talk about everything, laugh and sometimes debate on certain issues. with him, i realized that 'quality time' can be done even if you're just in a cafeteria or just sitting right beside each other at work.

metrics became tougher at work, making it very difficult to get promoted. i don't mind though, because i'm enjoying the team so much. i'm still focused on my career and i don't see myself leaving the company in the near future. my plan to go back to school was cancelled, having decided to let my brother study first. i promised my mom that i'll take charge, and i haven't got the time to fix my school papers yet.

in mid-june, he then started to propose the idea of moving to a different site. he's sick of alabang and wanted to move out with me. with the way things are going in my career, i refused the idea. this is the start of our misunderstanding. october came. fights became frequent. simple misunderstandings became complicated. still we struggled to make it work. first week of november, it went way beyond out of control and we just had to get out of the relationship. i felt i couldn't breathe and needed a time off.

a girl friend came from abroad and acted like a good distraction to me. night outs here and there, countless inuman sessions, catch up for the lost time. met a few acquaintances, even potential dates. a guy friend stood by me and became my constant companion. we talked on the phone a lot (that's probably an understatement Ü) and i enjoyed having someone that i can talk to again. the friendship is admittedly complicated but fun.

conflicts at the office boomed causing the resignation of several friends, including my best friend who's been with me since day 1. i was so devastated and almost felt like leaving too. just then, i passed an internal assessment for a potential promotion. it honestly gave me a new reason to stay.

out on a party with a few friends, i never knew i'd lost a friend in 10 minutes. i was accused of something that up at this point i have no idea which. i tried to reach out for him but to no avail. i was sad it had to end that way. sad that i had to end the year with someone who loathes me so much. i have come to accept that maybe that's the end of our friendship. if only i could turn back time. but i can't. all i can do is move on and pray for the best.

i'm becoming pretty much alcoholic recently. countless drinking sessions with friends. i passed out twice and got really out of control. not good, i know. but the weird thing is, i liked the feeling of getting out of control. the feeling of not knowing what you're doing and that the worst feeling you have is dizziness and all you can do is throw up.

but despite that, i'm actually pretty proud of myself. i'm single and i'm good. i have the feeling that i'll probably stay single for a while. i've been in a steady relationship since God knows when and i thought this will be hard for me. there will be a few flings probably (or maybe one in particular), but i don't think someone will be brave enough to be with me for long. i'm following the three-month rule and i'm sure it's going to be longer than that.

so i'm facing 2009 alone. so what? i haven't actually thought of an agenda yet but i'm gonna come up with something. 2008 have been full of lessons for me and i'm ready to apply what i've learned. i'm staying positive for the next 365 days of my life. Ü

10 minutes???

i think i just lost a friend in 10 minutes. flat.

he's this mr. perfect who never goes wrong. he always do the right thing, advises us not to misbehave, and is a very dedicated person. how could he do something in a short span of 10 minutes and lose our friendship that we took care in more than 10 YEARS???

i may mean nothing to him but to me our years and years of friendship is something that i wouldn't trade for anything else in the world. he was my companion, my drinking buddy, my kuya, my driver, my conscience, everything... i cannot believe that he, of all people, will eventually hate me. all of a sudden, the guy i've known for 10 years has become a stranger to my eye.

i never wanted this to happen. losing a boyfriend is so much easier to deal with than losing a very good friend.

i miss my old friend. =(

Ü

♫♫ It's like I waited my whole life for this one night
It's gon' be me you and the dance floor
'Cause we only got one night
Double your pleasure, double your fun

And dance forever-ever-ever
Forever-ever-ever
Forever-ever-ever
Forever ♫♫

IT'S SO MUCH FUN BEING SINGLE!

I'm lovin' it.

the three-month rule.

so maybe things didn't work out. just days after the breakup, you move quickly from deep pain to flirting with anything that walks on two legs, talks and appears human. you distract yourself from the pain of your sorrow without taking the time to heal. welcome to the world of rebound relationships.

why do people get into rebound relationships? when the pain is so deep, one feels the need to be with someone who can replace his/her ex. and it doesn't matter how good or bad the replacement is. again, as long as he/she can walk and talk. practically anyone who can temporarily take away the pain, offer the slightest sympathy and tiniest bit of care. usual targets for rebound are friends of the opposite sex, workmates, or any person you see everyday. rebound relationships may be a quick answer to getting over that bitch who broke your heart, but its either you or the reboundee will eventually feel its adverse effects.

i remember watching the john lloyd-bea movie before, "one more chance." i rarely watch local films but this movie hit me with john lloyd's line, "Hindi mo ba alam ang three-month rule Basha? Bakit hindi mo sinunod? Bakit?" apparently, the three-month rule is a 90-day grace period that one must give oneself after a breakup. it is not advisable to date and recommit with someone else after a breakup because you are most vulnerable after a breakup especially if it did not end well. thus, dating within the 90-day grace period is considered rebounding.

i'm not exactly pro-rebounding nor con, but i do understand people who do that. as long as the reboundee is made aware of your emotional status, then why not? a person on the rebound is usually isn't in a healthy state of mind because they haven't had the time to "mourn" the previous relationship. as time goes by, they move towards a healthier state of mind, thinking things over and began to do what is right. this can turn out to be a rough turn of events for the reboundee. they can work it out for the best, or can be no longer needed and cast aside.

all i know is that rebounding and dating within the 90-day grace period is not a sound strategy for finding a long term relationship. one will end up getting hurt. and oftentimes? its YOU who will.

marky cielo 1988-2008

and just as the people of the philippines are celebrating for pacman's victory, the entertainment industry is grieving for the loss of young actor marky cielo. he's definitely a big loss to the industry. my deep condolences to his family and friends.

source: http://www.gmanews.tv/story/138029/Young-actor-Marky-Cielo-20-is-dead

pinoy pride.

Our PACMAN won. again.Ü manny's sweet victory against oscar de la hoya makes all pinoys proud once again. honestly? naawa ako sa itsura ni de la hoya and i wanted pacquiao to stop hitting him for a minute. hehe. the golden boy IS good looking, but our pacman is faster and better. i don't know anything about boxing and i'm not that into sports, but "The Dream Match" is something i can't afford not to watch. "it's the game of the century," my friend says. his speed and agility are unbelievable. hands down to the best fighter i have ever seen.

short-term bliss.

i am way beyond happy right now.
right now, as in right this very hour.

it is short-lived i know, but who cares?
i am being selfish right now. i don't wanna think about anything but this.

thank you for giving me nirvana again.
i don't want to think of the upcoming pain, i'll cross the bridge when i get there.

busy doing nothing.

it's the first day of december. okay i admit, i am not that psyched for the holidays due to several "material" reasons. my planned out of town trip was canceled, i can't invite the only person i wanna be with on these two concerts i've been dying to watch, i haven't started my christmas shopping yet, most of my gift-giving plans will not happen, and don't get me started with my 13th month bonus which was f**king taxed for some reason!

anyways, i'm seriously considering of resorting to eBay and Multiply for my christmas shopping. i have to cut down my budget big time: thanks to my loving company who stole 10,000 bucks from me (everyone is enraged, not just me!). also, i don't have the time plus a car to go to bazaars, and again, my heart isn't really into shopping these days. shopping! i love shopping! or, i used to?? omg now i'm really sick. how could my heart be so dead this season? i've always been a fan of christmas. i love the simbang gabi, the puto bumbong, the christmas tree, the wrapping of gifts, the reunions, exchange gifts, christmas parties, new clothes, everything! i still have 24 days to uplift my mood though. can i do it? read my previous post and answer for me please.

it seems like all of my friends are so busy doing their own thing recently. what with all the movements at the office, family vacations and out of the country trips. sometimes i wish i'm part of the movement so that i can pretend to be busy as well. and my dear friend is also busy doing some stuff to even text or call me. my point is, i should be busy as well. i should be out there, super tired, sweaty and smiling. don't get me wrong, i'm fine, but i feel like i should be doing more than just sit in front of my pc and shop online. time is ticking away, i haven't went out with friends since tagaytay which is almost a week ago already. this is not the single katz.Ü

i guess it's time to get out of bed and contact my drinking buddies, i have to remedy this asap or else i'll have a closet full of bags in no time (i think i'm setting a pattern of 2 purchases per day since i got my bonus). i am so sick.

all good things must come to an end.

i hate such line. my mentor mentioned that once when he's planning to resign and move out of the country. sabi naman ng emo kong friend "huwag nang simulan ang matatapos rin lang," kahit gaano pa ito kaganda. argh.

and how can you end something that hasn't really started in the first place? how good it has to be before i let go? and what if i don't want to? will it turn out bad?

i am so screwed. is it really possible to be beyond happiness and extreme pain as well? yung feeling na nasa cloud 9 ka pero dark clouds naman?Ü seriously, fate really has a way of playing with my life. parang nag-enjoy ata siya. tipong he wants me to experience all emotions at the same time, and in a span of like 3 weeks? it really really sucks. nakakabaliw. mixed extreme emotions? are you kidding me? kakain nalang ako ng bubog.

at first everything is hell. i drink. i smoke. i curse. then before i knew it, it went so good. i was briefly in nirvana. and then shortly after, reality hit me. i was already in extreme pain. and guilt. i feel like i'm the bad girl. the kontrabida. unknowingly, i became attached to it that detaching myself became so hard. no one is asking me to, but i know i have to. perhaps for my own sanity?

signs that i'm still sane:

• i still cry

• i accept the fact that this is not permanent

• i worry about the people that i care about first before me

• i try to be open-minded

• i can still write about how i feel

when i start writing stuff like *%#%&*%#!@#$^($#@%%@!, then please do me a favor and call an ambulance.

can someone teach me the science of emotional detachment?

LSS.Ü

STOLEN
by Dashboard Confessional

We watch the season pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,
Another sun soaked season fades away

You have stolen my heart

Invitation only, grant farewells
Crush the best one, of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart

And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well

You have stolen
You have stolen my heart

I watch you spin around in the highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
We all look like we feel

You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

thoughts on men.

some points for men:

1. some girls have a specific preference for movies. yung iba gusto ng chick flick, yung iba suspense. it really differs from each one of us. wag sasama ang loob mo kung hindi niya magustuhan ang gusto mo, kasi iba ka iba rin ako. kung ayaw mo ng 'sex and the city,' ganun din siya sa 'death note.' deal with it. pag may ibang tao na nag-suggest sa kanya at pinanood niya, huwag sasama ang loob mo kasi malay mo naman nakita niya ang preview ng pelikula at naengganyo siya, hindi ba?

2. kung makikipag-email or makikipagtext ka sa ibang babae regardless of the topic at ayaw mong mabasa niya, then try to be as discreet as possible. huwag niyo ipakita sa amin. simple. some of us really don't care about the topic, but how you react when we try to read the thread. kung hindi naman kagalit galit ang nilalaman ng thread pero ayaw mo paring malaman niya at hindi inaasahang dumating siya bigla sa tabi mo, then explain who you're talking to and what is it about. hindi kailangang sumigaw, tapikin ang kamay para lang bitawan ang mouse, at magalit. isipin mo sanang may mga tao sa paligid at napapahiya yung taong sinasabi mong mahal mo. kung sayo gawin yun, matutuwa ka ba? ano iisipin mo?

3. huwag kang umasa na maging sweet sayo ang taong mahal mo lalo na pagkatapos mo siyang sigawan (refer to scenario #2). naghihintay siya ng sorry mo, nakalimutan mo na ba? konting pakiramdam naman. sinigawan mo na nga siya dahil sa ka-email mo, hindi ka pa nakuntento at na-wrong send ka pa sa kanya. imbes na 'sorry' ang marinig niya, para mo siyang binigyan ng mag-asawang sampal. hindi ka na nga humingi ng tawad, tinawag mo pa siyang walang kwenta dahil hindi ka sinuportahan sa pag-aapply mo sa ibang posisyon.

4. we'd appreciate it more if you sincerely say sorry instead of buying us gifts. although we like pampering, sincerity is still the key. hindi nagsasalita ng 'sorry' at 'i love you' ang snickers at sinigang. walang kwenta ang tsokolate mo kung pagkatapos non ay makikipag-away ka. nag-aksaya ka lang ng 30pesos. eh kung binili mo nalang yun ng hallmark card eh di alam pa niya kung ano nararamdaman mo diba? problem solved pa!

5. accept the fact na may sariling isip din kami. pag sinabi niyang kakain siya sa mcdo mag-isa, in as early as 5 seconds pwede niyang gawing jollibee yun. hindi ibig sabihin non nagsisinungaling siya sayo. huwag mong lagyan ng ibang kahulugan ang lahat ng bagay. hindi lahat ng salita may synonym. magkaiba ang pagwoworry sa paranoia.

6. being close to men is not exactly flirting. some girls prefer talking to men because most men are blunt, downright honest and do not gossip. kaya when it comes to serious stuff, minsan mas gusto naming lumapit sa mga lalaki for advice. kaya kung may partner kaming seloso, dun kami lumalapit sa mga kaibigan ninyo para hindi kami mapag-isipan ng masama. konting preno sa pagseselos dahil baka sa pagiging tactless niyo pati kaibigan niyo mawala sainyo.

7. practice what you preach. huwag ka manumbat kung ayaw mong sumbatan ka. gusto mong manahimik? then shut the fuck up. gusto mo makipag-ayos? mean it. hindi yung malingat lang siya kung ano-ano na sinasabi mo. huwag kang unreasonable kung ikaw mismo ilang beses na nag-attempt na mangbabae. strong and dominant women don't let things like that pass. let's say yung balak mong beerhouse pinalagpas niya at hindi na naging issue pa, simpleng sumakay lang sa frontseat ng friend's car wala ka na agad tiwala? grow up.

8. ASKING is different than QUESTIONING. bilang partner, karapatan mong magtanong all you want. at malugod namin itong sasagutin. may nakita kang solo picture niya na hindi mo alam kung saan kinuha? magtanong ka. open-ended questions are more encouraged. huwag kang gumawa ng hypothesis sa isang bagay na wala kang ideya kung tungkol saan. gather facts. verify information. huwag niyo kaming gulatin na may namumuo na palang conclusion diyan sa utak niyo without even letting us present our facts. practice fair judgment.

9. don't ask if you won't believe. rebutting is allowed, but do not accuse. you can ask "who do you go home with?" when she said none, you can follow it up with "i wonder why you're at the front seat of someone else's car? when was this?" then she can casually say that "oh that was when we went to baywalk for our GA, six of my teammates are at the back." instead of something like "oh, i thought a guy w/ a fortuner drops you off everyday from work." and you honestly think na maganda ang isasagot sayo? think again.

10. and lastly, love cannot flourish without trust. back to back yan e. yin yang. walang mangyayari sa isang relasyong walang trust. alamin mo kung bakit nawala yung trust mo sa kanya. hindi pwedeng 'for some reason.' dahil ba sa feeling mo lumamig siya sayo? ask her. have a heart-to-heart to talk and work from there. hindi yung makikipag-away for an outrageous reason, then bigla nalang sasabihin mo 'together we'll resolve this.' no woman in her right mind will let a man down if he approached nicely. and no sane woman will sit down and talk with a man who thinks of her as a lying whore.

NOTE:

**this is solely my opinion and of course may not apply to all men**

**written with my heart weighing twice as it used to be**

diary of a broken heart.

"Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more."
- Dr. Meredith Grey in Grey's Anatomy

dear diary,

i don't know where to start. all i know is that i want to write about how i feel. i need a medium to let this out and i don't want to bore my friends listening about my pathetic life.

i am in deep pain. only three people on earth knows exactly how i am right now. my TL, joyce and marvin. i keep avoiding this topic because i hate to seek other people's advice on love. and i hate them see me all wounded. my heart is so heavy, but still amazingly beating. i tried to go out with friends, but at the end of the night, the truth remains the same: he's gone. it feels so abnormal, i'm still shivering at the thought. i have already cried buckets in the arms of my friends, but i know deep down that it's still his arms that i want. but it's not that easy. the accusations are too much to handle, the love is not healthy, there is no trust and the differences are irreconcilable. i don't know if i can still look at him in the eye with the same feelings as before. working at the same workplace as he is gets different as time goes by, and seeing him is like stabbing my heart countless times.

my TL told me he admires me for carrying my problems well, and he's right. i'm not the kind of girl who mope in front of people, i guess that's because i'm easily distracted. i'm taking this pain in a manner that most brokenhearted can't. i bet most people who are in the same pain as i am wouldn't have the courage to write just like what i'm doing right now. how do i manage? well for one thing, i'm writing right now with loud RnB songs at the background (thank you usher and lil wayne).

i am not fine. but i will be. i accept that there is no shortcut and no other way but to deal with it. this is something i got over with before, and i am positive that my heart and soul will heal again on its own. my sanity is still intact and under no circumstances will i let it out of control. i am a smart girl. the day will come when i can smile to myself because i succeeded. again.

the soon-to-be-happy-heart,

kathleen

surprise. :)

i was such in a henious mood at work (which is entitled to a whole different blog entry), when i got a call from a dear friend who just came back from the other side of the world. :P it made me smile since its been almost 10 years since i last saw her. i'm not allowed to mention her name because i'm the first girl friend she called and she wants to meet everyone as a surprise.

we're meeting up tomorrow.

i missed you girl. welcome back.Ü

happy halloween!

i just went out last night with team wetworks at baywalk. it was so much fun and everyone was goofing around. we were taking pictures here and there using my digicam. one of those pictures is posted below.

from left-right: dhan, josef, ck, love, jem, me, lea, wilmer & neeay.

the pic was taken along baywalk while we're looking for a place to hang out. the rest of the team were already ahead of us. this pic should be just like any other right? no it's not.

let zoom it up a little...

a four-fingered hand appeared out of nowhere holding my teammate josef! no matter how we put an explanation to it, it really doesn't make sense. then i suddenly remembered: dhan (the guy on the left), had the exact experience when he went to baguio just a few weeks ago. a hand mysteriously appeared holding his son's arm when they took pictures at the cemetry of negativism. he even submitted the picture in SMB's search for scariest story. having said that, we seriously think that someone in baguio stuck with him and until now is with him everywhere he went. we asked him to go see a spiritualist as it freaks us out big time!

happy halloween everyone! :)

russell peters is in town!

my Über-favorite comedian is here! *gosh* i always crack up laughing at his jokes everytime i watch him on youtube. he's so funny. the way he delivers, his facial expression, and everyone can totally relate to what he's saying. what i admire him most is that he can crack a joke on different culture and race without offending anyone! he's really superb! i'm so sad that i won't be able to watch him this friday (@ NBC tent 8pm), because ticket price is soooo freakin' high, plus i have work and i just found it out recently. :(

my favorite russell peter tagline:

"somebody gonna get a hurt real bad"

i miss laughing recently that's why i've been watching his videos over and over in youtube.

check out his website: http://russellpeters.com

internet addiction.

i want to write but i can't think of a suitable topic to write about. weird. i used to be a writer (a dumb writer. lol) and i love to put into paper anything under the sun. but now, i can't sleep and i want to write and i'm prolonging my intro that doesn't even make any sense! :)

i have nothing to upload on my multiply. no new messages on friendster. finished cleaning up my mail. no new episode of gossip girl. bidding on ebay still on going. done revamping my blogspot layout. done editing my brother's resume. everyone is on "i'm mobile" in yahoo messenger. not in the mood to watch a movie. already sworn to myself not to open cabal. so what now?

my total hours in front of my pc today is about 11 hours. i just stopped to go and meet dy about 5pm. we just had coffee at starbucks santana grove, stayed home and watched tv for a couple of hours. after he left, i'm here in front of my trusty computer again. i am so computer-dependent, i could feel the radiations in my brain already. my day won't be complete without entering the cyberspace even just for 5 minutes (make it at least an hour.Ü). i always freak out if i don't have a connection, and not only once have i yelled a globelines agent on the phone due to no connection or slow internet speed.

can somebody please tell me if i'm sick?

actually, there is a clinical study on internet addiction and a set of questions has been provided as a screening instrument for addictive internet use:

1. Do you feel preoccupied with the Internet (think about previous on-line activity or anticipate next on-line session)?
   
2. Do you feel the need to use the Internet with increasing amounts of time in order to achieve satisfaction?
   
3. Have you repeatedly made unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back, or stop Internet use?
   
4. Do you feel restless, moody, depressed, or irritable when attempting to cut down or stop Internet use?
   
5. Do you stay on-line longer than originally intended?
   
6. Have you jeopardized or risked the loss of significant relationship, job, educational or career opportunity because of the Internet?
   
7. Have you lied to family members, therapist, or others to conceal the extent of involvement with the Internet?
   
8. Do you use the Internet as a way of escaping from problems or of relieving a dysphoric mood (e.g., feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety, depression)?

according to the study, those who answered "yes" on five or more of the criteria were classified as addicted internet users. honestly? i am guilty on four. yeah, i know. i'm on the verge. but prior to answering those questions, i'm already a self-confessed addict. although it bothers me a bit since this is still considered gambling. gambling in a sense that it is considered an impulse-control disorder which does not involve an intoxicant. a behavioral addiction. a disorder. and every disorder needs to be cured.

do i want to be cured?

i think i'll research more about it online, tomorrow perhaps? because now i need to check the items i'm bidding on ebay.Ü

words of wisdom ni bob ong

"Lahat naman ng tao sumeseryoso pagtinamaan ng pagmamahal. Yun nga lang, hindi lahat matibay para sa temptasyon."

"Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang taong malapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

"Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawakan ng iba. "
"Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

"Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

"Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

"Kung maghihintay ka nang ng lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din."

"Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

"Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

"Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka. Kaya quits lang."

"Bakit ba ayaw matulog ng mga bata sa tanghali? alam ba nilang pag natuto silang umibig e hindi na sila makakatulog kahit gusto nila?

"Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka."

"Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

"nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the-blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga isinulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures."

"Wag magmadali sa pag-aasawa. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon sa hinaharap, mag-iiba pa ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong di pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang sa kaboses niya si Debbie Gibson o magaling mag-breakdance. Totoong mas importante ang kalooban ng tao higit anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan sa eskwelahan e nagmumukha ring pandesal. Maniwala ka."

"ayokong nasasanay sa mga bagay na pwede namang wala sa buhay ko "

"hinahanap mo nga ba ako o ang kawalan ko?"

"hindi dahil sa hindi mo naiintindihan ang isang bagay ay kasinungalingan na ito. at hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohanan."

"Kumain ka na ng siopao na may palamang pusa o maglakad sa bubog nang nakayapak, pero wag na wag kang susubok mag-drugs. Kung hindi mo kayang umiwas, humingi ka ng tulong sa mga magulang mo dahil alam nila kung saan ang mga murang supplier at hindi ka nila iisahan."

"Mag-aral maigi. Kung titigil ka sa pag-aaral, manghihinayang ka pagtanda mo dahil hindi mo naranasan ang kakaibang ligayang dulot ng mga araw na walang pasok o suspendido ang klase o absent ang teacher. (Haaay, sarap!)."

"Mangarap ka at abutin mo. Wag mong sisihin ang sira mong pamilya, palpak mong syota, pilay mong tuta, o mga lumilipad na ipis. Kung may pagkukulang sa’yo mga magulang mo, pwde kang manisi at maging rebelde. Tumigil ka sa pag-aaral, mag-asawa ka, mag-drugs ka, magpakulay ka ng buhok sa kili-kili. Sa banding huli, ikaw din ang biktima. Rebeldeng walang napatunayan at bait sa sarili."

"Tuparin ang mga pangarap. Obligasyon mo yan sa sarili mo. Kung gusto mo mang kumain ng balde-baldeng lupa para malagay ka sa Guinness Book of World Records at maipagmalaki ng bansa natin, sige lang. Nosi balasi. wag mong pansinin ang sasabihin ng mga taong susubok humarang sa'yo. Kung hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon, hindi pa rin tayo dapat nakatira sa jupiter ngayon. Pero hindi pa rin naman talaga tayo nakatira sa jupiter dahil nga hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon. Kita mo yung moral lesson?"

"Nalaman kong marami palang libreng lecture sa mundo, ikaw ang gagawa ng syllabus. Maraming teacher sa labas ng eskuwelahan, desisyon mo kung kanino ka magpapaturo. Lahat tayo enrolled ngayon sa isang university, maraming subject na mahirap, pero dahil libre, ikaw ang talo kung nag-drop ka. Isa-isa tayong ga-graduate, iba't-ibang paraan. tanging diploma ay ang mga alaala ng kung ano mang tulong o pagmamahal ang iniwan natin sa mundong pinangarap nating baguhin minsan...""

"Sabi nila, sa kahit ano raw problema, isang tao lang ang makakatulong sa’yo – ang sarili mo. Tama sila. Isinuplong ako ng sarili ko. Kaya siguro namigay ng konsyensya ang Diyos, alam niyang hindi sa lahat ng oras e gumagana ang utak ng tao."

"Obligasyon kong maglayag, karapatan kong pumunta sa kung saan ko gusto, responsibilidad ko ang buhay ko."

"Nalaman kong habang lumalaki ka, maraming beses kang madadapa. Bumangon ka man ulit o hindi, magpapatuloy ang buhay, iikot ang mundo, at mauubos ang oras."

"Masama akong tao, tulad mo, sa parehong paraan na mabuti kang tao, tulad ko."

"Hikayatin mo lahat ng kakilala mo na magkaroon ng kahit isa man lang paboritong libro sa buhay nila. Dahil wala nang mas kawawa pa sa mga taong literado pero hindi nagbabasa."

"Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala."

"...madaming teacher sa labas ng eskwelahan. desisyon mo kung kanino ka magpapaturo."

"hikayAtin m0 LahAt ng kakilala m0 na mAgkaro0n kahit isA man lang paboritong libro sa bu0ng buhay nilA..dahil walA ng mas nakakaawa pa sa mga ta0ng literado per0 hindi nagbabAsa "

"dalawang dekada ka lang mag-aaral. kung 'di mo pagtityagaan, limang dekada ng kahirapan ang kapalit.sobrang luri. kung alam lang 'yan ng mga kabataan, sa pananaw ko ehh walang gugustuhing umiwas sa eskwela."

"iba ang walang ginagawa sa gumagawa ng wala"

picture blog--kiann's 1st birthday!

My gift to the cutest baby in the world. :)

October 3, 2008.

Sana pala kiann sinabi mong super happy ka na sa cake and ice cream para hindi na gumastos mommy and daddy mo sa storyland mo. :)

Ganda diba? Tinulugan lang niya. Buti nalang nakapagblow na siya ng candle the night before... Haaay. Cute mo talaga!

Alive na alive kung kailan closed na yung mall! You're unbelievable baby.

heartbroken ka ba?

i was just chatting with a guy friend regarding a love problem. i told him i am proud of him for being strong, rarely do i see guys who swallow their pride and ego for love. i honestly don't know what to tell him to make him feel better. his girlfriend has another boyfriend, who just moved in at the same workplace as he is. now all he wants is to leave, and get over it.

i'm not exactly joe d mango, but people tend to come to me for advice on love. and i freakin don't know why! my love life used to be a major disaster and it puzzles me why my friends ask me for relationships 101. maybe they know me as someone who always gives honest opinions? or they think i've encountered the worst and i just know how to deal with pain? well, whatever the reason is, i do hope i have helped them somehow.

badtrip.

hang over.

that freakin' traitor green mixture @ central bf last night drove me insane.
it tastes good, that's why i didn't mind taking several shots even if i have work the next morning.
i'm still pretty perky on our way home, even commenting on my hubby's reckless driving.
but alas, two hours after and my stomach is turning upside down like condor.
i was practically face to face with the sink for a good one hour.
i am so not fine, even right now.
i am so hungry and my system is not taking anything i take.

geeez.

i should've taken it seriously when it said on the menu: BADTRIP - "matindi to tsong!"
but im with team rohirrim (hubby's team) and that's what they always drink.
i need to practice my drinking "skills," this is so not good.

i am awake now for 36 hours straight.

perfect.

gossip girl.

okay, i know i'm a little late but i just started watching gossip girl online while skill grinding in cabal (Ü) and it's surprisingly nice. i'm not a big fan of teen drama but i'd have to say that this is an exception. nate archibald is so freakin hot. haaay.Ü

also, i so love blair waldorf's style. so posh. she looks like perfect. minus the attitude. hehe.

what would it be like to be part of manhattan's elite? or manila's elite society? oh well. they probably don't have much to think of besides spending their moolah. which reminds me of brian gorrell's blog i've been reading way back in march. scandalous yes, but you really can't help but wonder why would filthy rich people do stuff like that (if that's true). i mean, don't they realize that there are better things worth spending money and time than coke? and to be honest, it just makes someone look hideous in the long run.

oh well, im early here at the office now and maybe i should check the next episode of gossip girl.

till next time...

you know you love me. XOXO. Ü

flocked.

i downloaded this new web browser called flock. and its nice. layout is very pretty and the features are very useful. it's like a sister of mozilla firefox so browsing is kinda safe, as opposed to internet explorer which gives me nothing but spyware.

but.

it crashes with cabal.

i'll try to run a repair and see if i can keep flock. para saan pa at naging techie ako.Ü

how much is my life?

a co-worker recenty forwarded a spam which caught my attention. it was about a divorced man who sold his life to ebay for over $300,000 (http://www.alifeforsale.com/). as an ebayer, i have seen the weirdest possible auctioned items: a used tissue by a celeb, a baseball cap owned by a band vocalist, a pavement with an image of Jesus (how do you sell a pavement??!! lol.Ü), toenails, a night w/ someone's wife, virginity, the list goes on...

and now, someone actually sold his entire life to ebay.

that got me thinking.

if i were to sell my life, down to the very little thing i own, how much will i earn?

currently, i only have the following (w/ decent value only):
...a three-shelf book collection
• harry potter book set (hardbound)
• bob ong books
• nicholas sparks books
• sweet valley jr. high
• other new york times bestseller books
...about 60 fashion and celebrity magazines
• FHM, OK! & Cosmopolitan
...a nokia 6300 mobile phone
...sony dsc-t2 digicam
...two closets full of clothes
...about 6 pairs of shoes (just disposed several)
...about 25 bags (cheap and pricey)
...a desktop computer
...a drawer full of makeup for ever & l'oreal cosmetics
...casio & timex wristwatch
...an ipod
...a portable cd player
...vidal sassoon hair styler set
...a small box of trinkets and accessories
...dolce & gabbana light blue, davidoff cool water woman, benetton inferno pink perfumes
...a savings account

so, if i were to auction them all up, including an introduction to all my friends, a 2-month training to my work as tsr 3 @ etelecare, getting to know my boyfriend, and living with my family in an old house in paranaque, how much will i make? and what will i become after having nothing but a piece of cheque?

the idea is outrageous, and people who would do that is probably been in his most down moment and decided to just make money out of it.

if, (IF!Ü) time comes and i'd auction my life for money, i'll make sure to max up my credit limit worth of travel and food (things that can't be acquired by the winning bidder. lol.Ü)

advanced gift-giving plans.

cabal is on server maintenance right now, so might as well write something here to kill time.

this payday, i'm planning to start my christmas shopping (2 or 3 persons at a time) so that i'll have my 13th month pay all by myself come december.Ü gifts for my immediate family will be quite pricey so i have to start saving na. i still don't know what to give mom, super mahal naman kasi ng gusto nya (hot/cold water dispenser) -- roughly 25k, i don't think i can afford it. pag wala na talaga kong maisip na kitchen appliance, baka cellphone nalang. for kim and keith, im thinking of getting them a gadget that can be used for school. sana kayanin ng budget ko yung UMPC, considering keith's tuition fee by finals. for my sister, hmmmm... actually sa kanya ako nahihirapan, pero baka clothes or accessories nalang since i'll be getting her son/my inaanak nothing but the best for christmas.Ü i still don't know what to give dad as well, but i'm sure i'll come up with something.

when it comes to gift-giving, especially for my family, i make sure that its something that they will enjoy. they know hindi ako kuripot when it comes to that.Ü sulitin na nila habang single pako. hehe.Ü

for relatives and friends, i'll start shopping probably by october, when i get the chance to go to divisoria.Ü i have finished creating my list, sana talaga magawa ko sya by october. ayoko na kasi maulit yung nangyari last year na super nagcram ako sa christmas shopping ko at wala talagang natira sa 13th month pay ko. basta i vowed to finish all the gifts by november 18. last sweldo na gagamitin ko is nov.15.

on a different note:
i super miss kiann. biglang tahimik/lungkot ng house pag-alis nya. saturday pa daw ibabalik ng parents nya eh. hahaha.Ü last night my sister called my mom, iyak ng iyak tapos nung kinausap ni mommy parang nagsusumbong! haaaayy... nalungkot tuloy kami lalo.

anong oras na ba? 9:02am, isang oras pa bago mag-up ang server ng cabal!
ang tagal!

how to get over it!

Whoever wrote this, she/he must've gone through a good dose of pain and dealt with it well.

1. Examine what happened and ask yourself why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this may not be entirely your fault - or not your fault at all. Really thinking about the reasons it ended can make it clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid missteps in the future if you can
identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.

2. Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It's okay to be hurt, feel alone, and feel like you have messed up. Accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy, but you must also accept that you are a good person, and this is not all one-sided. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to begin to move on.

3. Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no Instant Messaging, and most importantly, no sex - not necessarily as a permanent measure (except where sex is concerned), but until you feel that you can converse with him/her like a normal person, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive).

4. Think through everything in your head. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. There had to have been a reason for it all to end, right? If there was a reason, but it wasn't a "good one," then understand that you enjoyed one another for a while, but if that was enough to be a determining factor in continuing with the relationship, then clearly, there was something else wrong.

5. Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the split was, how it occurred (was there infidelity? That makes it worse), and how long it took to make the break. There may be feelings of resentment at your ex for wasting your time. You may realize the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel like you hate yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change.

6. Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, loving friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile, worthy person again, and you'll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net.

7. Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to "get" valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be. Allow at least the learning part to enrich your life.

8. Clean up! A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn't require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with these tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain.

9. Keep fond memories. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, turn the station and move on.

10. Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that there's more to life than being in a relationship. Indulge in those things. As they say, the best revenge is living well.

11. Stay active. It's scientifically confirmed that exercise improves your mood, and the distraction will help keep your mind off the situation. Go running outside, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step.

12. Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and harboring hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways, congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time.

13. Take Time. Find a place where you feel comfortable, relaxed, and which is far away from your ex. Take a moment to listen, and to be alone or with someone you trust. Remind yourself that it is better to be on your own than to continue in a relationship that was not right for one or both of you.

14. Think Positively. Now that you're not with your ex, you can date other people - go ahead, this is okay. You're free - only your actions and thoughts free you from what you cannot control. Change your behaviors; that will help change your thinking. Of course, don't forget about respecting other peoples' thoughts and feelings while feeling released and free, and always remember to be true to yourself.

15. Don't rethink your decision. If you keep thinking about all the good times you have you will forget the reason for why you are actually breaking up. This is not good because you will just go back to square one especially if you regret it (after) the breakup.

It is better to break one's heart than to do nothing with it. – Margaret Kennedy

ten random facts/habits about me.

i. malakas ang kiliti ko, kahit saan. kaya as a child super no-no sa house namin ang kilitiin si kathleen.ü if you do that, im not gonna laugh. i will cry and scream for my mom. saktan nyo nako wag lang kilitiin.

ii. hindi pwedeng matapos ang isang araw ng hindi ako humaharap sa monitor at nagttype sa keyboard ko. hindi ako mapakali hanggat hindi ako nakakapag-online kahit saglit lang. there's something fulfilling about being in cyberspace. ewan ko. basta adik ako sa net.

iii. mahilig ako sa gadgets, kaso i don't have the funds to purchase several of them! next in line ko is ipod touch or psp (oo wala pakong psp!!), pero bka october nako makabili kasi mahal ng tuition ng utol ko eh. as of now kuntento muna ko sa sony cybershot t2. by december bibili ako ng UMPC (ultra mobile personal computer), pinagpipilian ko pa ang Asus EEE PC, Redfox Wizbook at MSI Wind.

iv. dalawa lang ang tv series na sinusubaybayan ko: desperate housewives at grey's anatomy. pero since ang bagal ng progress nung dalawa, dina-download ko ngayon sa torrent ang gilmore girls at prison break. pero pag nainip ako bka maghanap nalang ako ng dvd.

v. isang bagay lang ang pumupuyat sakin ngayon: cabal online. hindi ako papayag na napag-iwanan nako ng mga kalaro kong adik din sa online games.

vi. isa akong certified ebayer. halos karamihan ng stuff ko ngayon eh binili ko online. bags, cellphone, digicam, lingerie, perfume, puro sa ebay lahat galing. super cheap kasi as compared to malls, thankful naman ako kasi hindi ako naloloko, hehe. i guess kabisado ko na how to purchase items online.

vii. mahina akong uminom especially pag beer. mga 2-3 bottles of san mig light, bagsak nako. pero pag hard, mga until 6-8 shots ako bago tumumba. magssmoke nalang ako kesa uminom.

viii. mga sampung beses ko ng nirereformat tong pc ko this year. kung anu-ano kasing tweaks ang pinagagagawa ko kaya nagccrash. tapos pinagpipilitan ko pang mag-install ng MMORPG gaya ng RAN, Audition at Cabal kahit integrated video lang naman to. kaya nung last format ko, hinati ko na yung partition para dun ako sa kabila magssave ng files. ang daming pictures ang nabubura eh.

ix. kung may isang tao na hindi ako magsasawang kasama araw-araw, si kiann yun. my beloved pamangkin/inaanak. so so cute.Ü

x. inaaliw ko lang ang sarili ko kaya ako gumagawa ng 10 random facts na ito. thanks for the idea daine!Ü

screw it.

Team GA last night at Gilligans Festi, we had fun.
Dhan arrived late so some of us went to Marbles (in front of SM Southmall) and hang out.
My phone battery went dead so I can't text anyone.
When I got home at around 11pm, texts began pouring in.

He said he couldn't do it anymore.
And that I should keep ignoring him bec that's what he's going to do.

I asked, "R u breaking up wd me?"

No response.

My first time to go out at night with my team as compared to his countless inuman sessions with his team,
and he's breaking up with me.

Screw it.

techie stuff.

I just upgraded my PC to 1GB. Yey! Ü
My system is 4X faster now.
No more LAG times with CABAL. Ü
Love it love it.



While buying my 1GB memory in Festival Mall, I found out that Dell systems are already being sold here! So totoo nga yung mga weblogs about Dell Retail finally hitting the Philippines. Anyways, the Inspiron 1420 at Octagon Comp. Authority is at 37k which is really cheap na, I don't care if it comes w/ XP since I can get Vista CDs naman at work. Ü I'd definitely get one by the end of the year. I'd really like a Dell laptop since I know my around Dell computers, what just concerns me before is its warranty. If a part needs to be replaced, super hirap maghanap ng parts coz di pa naman sha binebenta dito. But now warranty is not an issue coz they do have a service center na raw in Makati, then I'll definitely lay my hands on the 1420 soon.Ü

txt & cabal.ü

I have been snapped at by an ex's gf.
Oh well the ex is my friend since forever (or so I thought).
I sent a forwarded quote two days ago (I think) on the guy's mobile
(twas actually sent to most people on my contacts), and she replied just now asking me who I am.

Here's how it goes: (VERBATIM, even the characters & punctuations)
**Names were deleted to confuse everyone. Haha.Ü**

She: Hus dis?

Me: Katz A.

She: Ah. . Bnura k na kc numbr m. .

Me: Gn0n? Yabang naman.. Sori po, geh i wont txt u na.. Gudnyt nlang po..

She: Dats g0od. . Ders no ris0n 2 do so anyway. . Ok gudnyt

Me: Um, (ex's name)/(ex's gf's name), u dnt have 2 b mean. I may b friends wd *** nd *** but i just th0t (ex's name) nd i were ok. Anyways, im sory 4 dsturbing u guys nd stay happy.. Tnx 4 ur tym. Gnyt!

She: We hav nothing against u 2 but i think it wud b btr 2 b dat way s0 things w0nt get complc8d. . Wer jst pr0tctng r relxnshp h0pe u undrstand. .

Me: Ok. No problem. U cud hav said it in a nice way though. But i understand, u guys r inlove nd happy nd every1 can see dat. More power 2u both. Gnyt!

La lang, I'm not really shocked. Mildly surprised perhaps?
Oh well...
They're in-love and just "protecting" their relationship,
So I'm just gonna keep mum.
Hey, I'm a nice girl. ^_^

I have more pressing things to attend to than this. Ü

Like CABAL. ^_^
Naunahan pako ni Dhan!
I so F**KIN HATE my über slow PC.

bwiset.

We're supposed to have dinner tonight.
As in right now.
But he chickened out.
We haven't seen each other for 5 days and counting.
He's not texting either.
Says he was asleep.
For the entire day???

Hay. I don't know what to do.

im not alone.

I just finished texting with my friend Kay, and we're in the same boat right now.
I'm not gonna go into details because I'm planning of making this blog public sooner or later.
Although I feel bad about "OUR" dilemma, its relieving to know that someone actually understands me.
As in TOTALLY. Without much question.
She can perfectly relate daw kasi, and the scenario is almost the same...

Its midnight of June 12, and I never left the house the whole day.
Not exactly how I pictured it.

Bored. Sad. Disappointed.

Hay. Tulog lang katapat nito. Ü

leaving on a jetplane.

My dear friend Lhen just left for Norway yesterday. We haven't even seen each other before she left. Ngayon palang I miss her na.. But of course I'm happy for her because I know she's been dreaming about it for years already. She's one of my most trusted friends on Earth, ganon pala talaga pag sobrang importante sayo biglang lalayo noh? Haaay.

Given the chance of going abroad, I'd take it..

If and only if I'm not alone.

I have to have my family with me, or trusted friends.

Because if I really want to, I probably should be long gone.

Its just that, I feel that to be successful I have to be happy with not just my salary but with the people I work with.

I cant cope up with loneliness perhaps.

Feeling ko kasi, I'm doing fine naman with my work.

My family is eating 3 meals a day, my brother is studying at his preferred school,

and I can buy all of my needs and some of my wants.

I was telling mg brother-in-law nga, the pay that he'd gonna get abroad is almost the same as an IT-related job here, preferably call center, mas toxic but the point is, he'd go home everyday with his family with him.

And that should count a lot right?

Especially considering that its KIANN we're talking about.

Ako nga di ko matiis di makita yun everyday eh.... Ü

leader material?

I just finished coaching with TL Nat.
My metrics are good and he complimented me for that. **applause**
He also said he appreciated my proactiveness with regards to admin task for the team.

Anyways, he said that should there be an opening for a TOIC, he'd groom me along with Jodie for a support position.
I am glad that for the first time someone actually noticed my capabilities not just as an agent but as a person as well.

Happiness.

I hope that in a year's time, I'm already exactly where I want to be.
Still at eTelecare, but doing admin tasks.
There's hope. Much much hope. ♥

LOVE @ 1st sight.

That's what I felt when I started playing CABAL ONLINE.

Not everyone knows that I'm a gamer, and I've been a Ragnarok addict back in college, and RAN Online and Audition just last year. That's why when Loki introduced me to this new MMORPG, I got hooked instantly. I know he was surprised, having his girlfriend play online games like him, I caught him glancing at me mosto f the time while playing. Oh well, all I know is I see myself getting hooked into this game.

Weird though, when I got home after more than 6 hours of playing, I went ahead to Kiann and I actually felt guilty for not spending time with my superlove pamangkin.

I have to have a better PC asap!

post-Bora thoughts.

I have just gone home from Bora.

It was a nice experience.

Day 1

We arrived at the hotel at around 9:30am, and he slept till noon kase wala pa daw syang tulog.

We went out around 11:30am for lunch.

Then it rain.

There I am, walking in the rain, in a bikini. Danda diba.

At around 5pm, weather is okay na so we sat by the beach and just enjoyed the view.

We got a Hena tattoo, mine on my back and left leg, his on his right arm.

Then we dressed up by around 7pm and went to Coco Mangas bar to check on the 15-shots challenge.

Grabe yung mga mixtures ng hard drinks nila, puro tequila!

If you finish all the shots kasi, you'll get the bar's personalized tshirt plus your name will be on their wall of fame.

Bragging rights kumbaga.

Eh hindi daw nya kaya kasi he's not familiar with some of the drinks.

So bar hopping nalang kame.

Margarita here, martini on the next bar, then mango juice. Hehe.

Watched a girl playing fire tricks.

Bought some accessories for pasalubong on our way back to the hotel.

"Just Got Lucky" was on HBO so we watched it then slept at around 2am I think.

Day 2

He woke me up at around 6:30am, fool around till past 7am then went down for breakfast.

Then we bought a cover-up because my tankini daw is not acceptable.

After that we went for a boat ride to Puka Beach.

I love it. Very peaceful and relaxing.

Just the two of us by the beach. Sarap.Ü

Stop by at Crocodile Island, with super clear water and live corals.

Talk about marine life.

Then back at the hotel to rest for a while.

Around 5pm we enjoyed the beach just right at the front of the hotel.

He got a massage for an hour and then went back again to the hotel to change.

Ate dinner at this expensive resto (cant remember the name, we just know its expensive at hindi na kami makalipat coz the waitress gave us the menu na..hehe), then hangout at a bar in Station 1 I think.

Walang katapusang kwentuhan until we're sleepy na.

Last day

Woke up early for breakfast.
We're checking out at 11am at the hotel but our boat transfer is leaving at 3pm pa.
We left our stuff at the concierge and then sat by the beach again.
Took pictures.
Went shopping for pasalubongs.
Played billiards.

We got home in Manila around 7:45pm and its raining.

Super bad trip sya coz we're supposed to be picked up by his dad and he didn't.

So nag-commute kami, hirap pa maghanap ng taxi...

TWO WORDS: Super BITIN.

I'm definitely going back to Boracay.

would-be sked-packed

Fully-booked dapat ako today eh.
What with 2 birthdays and a supposed reunion.
Shempre hindi naman ako ppunta sa birthday ni Fritz, kasi for the boys yon, though I'm invited.
the reunion is cancelled, inuman nalang daw kina glenn, eh hello alfonso pa yon.
I won't go all the way to alfonso cavite just for a drinking session.
And then there's Milette's bday.
though I'd like to come, si Kay kasi sabi nya she'll text me but she didn't.
Out of place lang ako dun pag wla si Kay, so never mind nalang.
Isa pa katamad umalis lamig sa labas eh.

So ang ending?
I'm in front of my pc doing nothing but check items on Ebay.
How pathetic.

I'm meeting a seller tomorrow for a makeup that I would like to have.
Gastos again!

Baket ba.

I miss you. (Anong koneksyon??! hehe, Ü)

im-too-bummed-to-think-of-a-title.

I went shopping w/ Loki, for our Bora escapade...
Nothing extraordinary, shop, ate, smoke.

***

Grabe yung chismisan sa office.
It went to a higher level na, she's sending emails to certain people regarding the chismis.
Eto namang si Dy, aba at gusto pa magpa-involve.
He said he feels for the hubby and he despises women like that.
I told him that he doesn't know the whole story and he better shut his mouth or I will shut it for him. Hehe.Ü
Ayun, marunong naman pala magpaawat in fairness. Hehe.
Haaay. Juicy.
Matrix show business.
Whatever.

***

Recently, I've thought of M.
I wonder if carma holds true in his case...
I feel bad for all the "victims," if you would call it that. Hehe.
Good thing di nya pinapatulan parinig sa kanya, or baka di lang nya alam na sya un.

Oh well, that's life.

random thoughts.

I desperately want to study this school year.
Pero mukang hindi ata kaya because apparently I will still shoulder my brother's college education.
If only I can buy time.
I feel so incomplete, not having a diploma.
There's so much to learn.

***

On a whole different note,
I am sad lately.
I feel that something else is missing in my life.
I miss being a spoiled brat.
I miss laughing.
I miss being me.

***

Good thing there is Poing who lightens up my not-so-perfect days...Ü

overstatement.

I am going to miss Team Tzu Pao. And this has already been overstated.
It's so evident that all of us didn't take this seriously, being guys and all (unica hija me)..
But I know deep down they are sad about this sudden change.
I didn't went to our final "GA" today in Tagaytay.
I just don't wanna go through the drama I guess, and it looks more like a guys night out to me than a team out-of-town trip. I heard my TL bringing women for the guys, oh well 'nuff said.

Anyways, I am so glad Dhan and I are staying on a same team.
It would really make my life easier.
He's my only trusted friend at eTel and it relaxed me knowing that going to work on Monday wouldn't be a pain-in-the-ass.

I love you guys, no matter how shallow and GREEN you tend to be. lolz.

Iisang Bangka Tayo

Kay dilim at kay ginaw sa kalawakan ng dagat
Ubod lakas kung humiyaw ang galit na hanging habagat
Ngunit buo ang puso mong ang daluyong ay sugurin
Magkasama tayong katahimika'y hahanapin

Saan ang tungo mo, mahal kong kaibigan
Saan sasadyain hanap mong katahimikan
Basta't tayo'y magkasama, laging sasabayan kita
Pinagsamaha'y nasa puso, kaibigan, kabarkada

Iharap natin ang layag sa umaawit na hangin
Kapit-bisig tayong ang gabi ay hahawiin

Dahon ng damo, tangay ng hangin
At 'di mo matanaw kung saan ka dadalhin
Ngunit kasama mo ako, nakabigkis sa puso mo
Daluyong ng dagat ang tatawirin natin

Ating liliparin, may harang mang sibat
Ating tatawirin, daluyong ng dagat
Pagka't kasama mo ako, iisang bangka tayo
Ano man ang mithiin ay makakamtan natin

FW: Promotions 4.15.08

I am PROMOTED.

Again.

For the second time in my first year at eTelecare.

How cool is that?

But it may take a while before I move on to the next...

Q2 2008 Balanced Scorecard is very difficult to attain.

Geez...

---

From: Aguirre-Santos, Tin
Sent: Tuesday, April 15, 2008 2:34 PM
To: Pagsanjan, Mary Grace; Aure, Rowe Ann; Lastimosa, Francis Arvin; Malait, Dunn Hill; Caraig, Maricris; Dasalla, Neil Ray; Liwanag, Norman; Nerva, Kristopher Joseph; Lopez, Ralph, Jr.; Hilado, Ervin; Cabero, Andro Leslie; Tong, Dennis; Aquino, Sherwin; Laurel, Christie Ann; Oraa, Carlo; Barredo, Gerlie; Antonio, Kathleen Joie; Lopez, Ralph, Jr.; Merioles, Mylene Rose; Resullar, Merciedita; Toting, Cherrielyn; We, Paul; Canete, Lovella; Merioles, Mylene Rose
Cc: Matrix CBG TL; Matrix SMB TL; Matrix CBG SOIC
Subject: Promotions 4.15.08

MEMO

TO: All

CC: Managers; HR records; Comp and Ben; Resource

FROM: Global Organizational Development

DATE: April 15, 2008

PROMOTIONS

Due to their exemplary performance, we are proud to announce the promotion of the following employees:

TSR 2 -3

E14945 Antonio, Kathleen Joie C. Matrix SMB 1-Jan-08

They have all successfully met our cut-off scores for the different performance dimensions on Goals and Objectives, Competencies, and Culture and Values.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Thanks!

Christine May "Tin" Aguirre-Santos
Shift Manager
eTelecare Global Solutions

29th Floor, CyberOne Building
Eastwood City Cyberpark
Bagumbayan, Quezon City 1110
Metro Manila, Philippines
Phone (PH): 632.916.5670
Cell (PH): +63.917.528.1180

"World Class Worldwide"

matrix reshuffle. :c

Shift Vince just received the biggest bomb this year.

We are going to be reshuffled. Yes. After more than a year of being with Team Tzu Pao, I am going to be under a different FLS. It was a shock. Especially how the news was delivered to us:

From: Torres, Jose Paolo

Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 2:00 PM

To: Matrix SMB Team Paolo Torres

Subject: Team Reshuffle

Importance: High

Team,

As per SM Vince, Our shift will have a massive agent reshuffling within the day. This is due to the poor CE performance last Q1 and running CE this Q2. Absenteeism rate is also very high! Due to these changes, all schedules for WE 04.25 will be on hold until the agents are transferred to their new team. We’ll have our last post shift later.

Thanks,

Paolo Torres

Team Officer-in-Charge

- Tzu Pao - 子 葆

I thought it was a joke. Pao just informed us initially via email. But when I looked his way, he just smiled meekly and said "no joke."

The first thing that came to my mind was "whose teams are going to be reshuffled?" He confirmed that only 4 teams are affected, and 3 agents of each team will be retained.

Up to this time of writing, I don't know who among us will remain under Pao. Although I have a good guess. After shift yesterday, I stayed and attended another team's meeting (TL Alain). Still devastated, I found out whose teams are not going to be touched: Team Kiko, Team Toni & Team Alain. The other TLs (Pao, Nat, Jason & Miro), were then asked for 3 names that they want to retain.

I was told whose agents are staying with who, except for our team. I am positive that I am not staying, and my main concern is: who among Nat, Jason & Miro will be my new FLS? If things don't go the way I want it to be, I have no other recourse but to apply for LOI or....leave.

Thanks to boss Alain for doing everything in his power to help me with my concern. TLs like him would really make you as an agent feel ashamed of yourself when you did something wrong. I dunno but, I just think he is superb.

Anyways, I am going to miss Team Tzu Pao. Although they are a bunch of goofballs whose main mission in life is to get drunk every single day, I am still going to miss the laidback environment w/ them. They have been my companions and friends since I started and it just feels really weird not to sit beside them everyday. Above all, I am going to miss the 15-minute breaks w/ Dhan and Joyce! The asaran moments w/ Jay and Maki, the pikunan moments w/ Kristian, Carlo and Fritz, and the chismisan blues w/ Dhan and Joyce. No meeting will be ever SERIOUS with Team Tzu Pao.

Haay. Forget me not guys. :c