rude awakening.

i am awake. wide awake. Ü

i don't accept the person i'm becoming and i have now decided to take a U-turn.

to be honest, i've lost count on how many times i told somebody this line: "hey, i don't do this everyday trust me." it's as if i've been doing a lot of new (and daring) stuff lately that i feel i am going to regret if i make it a habit. this has happened before, and it totally destroyed me. i won't let history repeat itself and i am saving myself from eternal damnation. (okay, that was way overboard, but that's how i feel!)

no single person in this world who sees the entire picture of what was going on with me right now, but several people know bits and pieces of it and everyone is saying the same thing: diss it and start with a clean slate. i admit i am not ready to diss the "people involved" but i am so ready to diss who i am this past few months. and if they get in the way, then maybe it's really time to say bye-bye for them.

what the hell, i am young and should even be partying not moping around for some stupid problems i shouldn't have!

dilemma.

if you happen to come across my blog and reading this entry and you hate EMO-stuff, then you can close this page now.

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okay, don't say you haven't been warned.

my dilemma is back. the bliss i've been feeling this last few days have been sucked out of me. big time. i know it's totally wrong and inappropriate, but i keep doing it. why? because it makes me happy. even if i get slapped by the reality every now and then, i dismiss it. because i'm a brat. i insist on doing what i want and stopping at nothing to have it all mine. i tried to avoid it, but the happiness is addicting. should i go to the extremes and play along until it hurts so bad?

how could you avoid something that can put you to nirvana but hell as shit at the same time? for the longest time i've been trying not to feel the pain, but that stupid emotion manages to slide itself into my system one way or another. i'm ashamed to admit that i've never wanted anything so badly until now.

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i wish i could say more.

i guess this is proof that what kat wants...

kat doesn't always gets.

status check: katz wants to travel.

i am officially in travel mode. i booked a flight to cebu in july with a few friends, plus a beach getaway on my birthday. i've never been a traveler and now i'm dropping a few out of town trips here and there. bakit kaya? diko rin alam eh. :)

sadly my vacation leave at work won't cover my desire to travel on a monthly basis. i'm definitely looking forward to going away for my birthday, i actually intended to just stay home but someone (?!? a dear friend of mine--i know you're reading this. hehe) offered to get away from the city for a while and who am i to refuse? :) and cebu pacific's round-trip flight to cebu in july costs P490! as soon as we found out, my friends at work immediately booked ourselves online! we don't even have an idea what are we going to do once we're there! bahala na si batman. hehe.

to be honest there's so much that i want to do this year. i want to travel, go to the gym, study again, keep my self busy until i pass out. so much to do, very limited time. domestic problems can be such a drag that's why i need to distract myself to keep my sanity intact.

i'd do anything to take me out of this country for even at least a week.

back to online gaming.

okay. its been more than 6 months when i gave up playing cabal. i felt sick of the game due to personal issues and i got rid of the game. i actually still have a premium account plus cash at that time but i didn't care. so, what prompted me to start playing again?

few days ago, my brother-in-law installed a new mmorpg game called 'destiny online' (www.destiny.enjoymmo.com) in my desktop pc and i tried signing in just to see how it looks like. it's pretty neat, but more for kids than adults. i tried searching around and came across 'fiesta online' (www.fiesta.outspark.com) which is actually very nice, but only the game client is international so you have all sorts of players from all over the world. i prefer online games with philippine client servers so as not to see weird languages in the chatbox and the characters can't understand each other due to language barriers.

on our way home, my good friend migs then casually recommended me to try this new game from level up games: ROHAN ONLINE. now this guy is not a fan of online games at all, not until now. hehe. he's ranting in his car how nice and interesting the game is and he's surprisingly addicted to it. coming from him, it intruiged me so i'm currently downloading the client now and hopefully have the chance to give it a try by tomorrow.

should i go back to my old online gaming habits? am i ready to give up my week-end night outs? depends if this game is worth it. :)

(okay, the game is taking forever to download! migs will just give me an installer dvd tomorrow, yey!) -- will keep you posted.

x.o.x.o.