year-end assessment

2008 is about to end and i haven't really thought of how well or bad i did this year. have i been a burden for some? was there one person's life this year that i have touched some way? what are the things i should bring with me come 2009?

at the beginning of 2008, i was on the rocks with someone and ended a 2-year relationship. it was definitely a bad breakup. it was something that i felt i needed to do, though i know it will be hard for the both of us. it took a lot of tears, sleepless nights and adjustments before i was able to smile and be genuinely happy.

at the office, i had to transfer teams and in the beginning it became a dilemma for me bec i don't handle changes very well. although i felt that its about time to experience the leadership of others, i was deeply worried if i will get along with my new colleagues (thankfully i did Ü).

and then i met this guy. during the early months we went along so well. i guess what i loved about what we had is that we're both conversationalists. we share so much stuff together. i loved our routine of eating out after work, talk about everything, laugh and sometimes debate on certain issues. with him, i realized that 'quality time' can be done even if you're just in a cafeteria or just sitting right beside each other at work.

metrics became tougher at work, making it very difficult to get promoted. i don't mind though, because i'm enjoying the team so much. i'm still focused on my career and i don't see myself leaving the company in the near future. my plan to go back to school was cancelled, having decided to let my brother study first. i promised my mom that i'll take charge, and i haven't got the time to fix my school papers yet.

in mid-june, he then started to propose the idea of moving to a different site. he's sick of alabang and wanted to move out with me. with the way things are going in my career, i refused the idea. this is the start of our misunderstanding. october came. fights became frequent. simple misunderstandings became complicated. still we struggled to make it work. first week of november, it went way beyond out of control and we just had to get out of the relationship. i felt i couldn't breathe and needed a time off.

a girl friend came from abroad and acted like a good distraction to me. night outs here and there, countless inuman sessions, catch up for the lost time. met a few acquaintances, even potential dates. a guy friend stood by me and became my constant companion. we talked on the phone a lot (that's probably an understatement Ü) and i enjoyed having someone that i can talk to again. the friendship is admittedly complicated but fun.

conflicts at the office boomed causing the resignation of several friends, including my best friend who's been with me since day 1. i was so devastated and almost felt like leaving too. just then, i passed an internal assessment for a potential promotion. it honestly gave me a new reason to stay.

out on a party with a few friends, i never knew i'd lost a friend in 10 minutes. i was accused of something that up at this point i have no idea which. i tried to reach out for him but to no avail. i was sad it had to end that way. sad that i had to end the year with someone who loathes me so much. i have come to accept that maybe that's the end of our friendship. if only i could turn back time. but i can't. all i can do is move on and pray for the best.

i'm becoming pretty much alcoholic recently. countless drinking sessions with friends. i passed out twice and got really out of control. not good, i know. but the weird thing is, i liked the feeling of getting out of control. the feeling of not knowing what you're doing and that the worst feeling you have is dizziness and all you can do is throw up.

but despite that, i'm actually pretty proud of myself. i'm single and i'm good. i have the feeling that i'll probably stay single for a while. i've been in a steady relationship since God knows when and i thought this will be hard for me. there will be a few flings probably (or maybe one in particular), but i don't think someone will be brave enough to be with me for long. i'm following the three-month rule and i'm sure it's going to be longer than that.

so i'm facing 2009 alone. so what? i haven't actually thought of an agenda yet but i'm gonna come up with something. 2008 have been full of lessons for me and i'm ready to apply what i've learned. i'm staying positive for the next 365 days of my life. Ü

10 minutes???

i think i just lost a friend in 10 minutes. flat.

he's this mr. perfect who never goes wrong. he always do the right thing, advises us not to misbehave, and is a very dedicated person. how could he do something in a short span of 10 minutes and lose our friendship that we took care in more than 10 YEARS???

i may mean nothing to him but to me our years and years of friendship is something that i wouldn't trade for anything else in the world. he was my companion, my drinking buddy, my kuya, my driver, my conscience, everything... i cannot believe that he, of all people, will eventually hate me. all of a sudden, the guy i've known for 10 years has become a stranger to my eye.

i never wanted this to happen. losing a boyfriend is so much easier to deal with than losing a very good friend.

i miss my old friend. =(

Ü

♫♫ It's like I waited my whole life for this one night
It's gon' be me you and the dance floor
'Cause we only got one night
Double your pleasure, double your fun

And dance forever-ever-ever
Forever-ever-ever
Forever-ever-ever
Forever ♫♫

IT'S SO MUCH FUN BEING SINGLE!

I'm lovin' it.

the three-month rule.

so maybe things didn't work out. just days after the breakup, you move quickly from deep pain to flirting with anything that walks on two legs, talks and appears human. you distract yourself from the pain of your sorrow without taking the time to heal. welcome to the world of rebound relationships.

why do people get into rebound relationships? when the pain is so deep, one feels the need to be with someone who can replace his/her ex. and it doesn't matter how good or bad the replacement is. again, as long as he/she can walk and talk. practically anyone who can temporarily take away the pain, offer the slightest sympathy and tiniest bit of care. usual targets for rebound are friends of the opposite sex, workmates, or any person you see everyday. rebound relationships may be a quick answer to getting over that bitch who broke your heart, but its either you or the reboundee will eventually feel its adverse effects.

i remember watching the john lloyd-bea movie before, "one more chance." i rarely watch local films but this movie hit me with john lloyd's line, "Hindi mo ba alam ang three-month rule Basha? Bakit hindi mo sinunod? Bakit?" apparently, the three-month rule is a 90-day grace period that one must give oneself after a breakup. it is not advisable to date and recommit with someone else after a breakup because you are most vulnerable after a breakup especially if it did not end well. thus, dating within the 90-day grace period is considered rebounding.

i'm not exactly pro-rebounding nor con, but i do understand people who do that. as long as the reboundee is made aware of your emotional status, then why not? a person on the rebound is usually isn't in a healthy state of mind because they haven't had the time to "mourn" the previous relationship. as time goes by, they move towards a healthier state of mind, thinking things over and began to do what is right. this can turn out to be a rough turn of events for the reboundee. they can work it out for the best, or can be no longer needed and cast aside.

all i know is that rebounding and dating within the 90-day grace period is not a sound strategy for finding a long term relationship. one will end up getting hurt. and oftentimes? its YOU who will.

marky cielo 1988-2008

and just as the people of the philippines are celebrating for pacman's victory, the entertainment industry is grieving for the loss of young actor marky cielo. he's definitely a big loss to the industry. my deep condolences to his family and friends.

source: http://www.gmanews.tv/story/138029/Young-actor-Marky-Cielo-20-is-dead

pinoy pride.

Our PACMAN won. again.Ü manny's sweet victory against oscar de la hoya makes all pinoys proud once again. honestly? naawa ako sa itsura ni de la hoya and i wanted pacquiao to stop hitting him for a minute. hehe. the golden boy IS good looking, but our pacman is faster and better. i don't know anything about boxing and i'm not that into sports, but "The Dream Match" is something i can't afford not to watch. "it's the game of the century," my friend says. his speed and agility are unbelievable. hands down to the best fighter i have ever seen.

short-term bliss.

i am way beyond happy right now.
right now, as in right this very hour.

it is short-lived i know, but who cares?
i am being selfish right now. i don't wanna think about anything but this.

thank you for giving me nirvana again.
i don't want to think of the upcoming pain, i'll cross the bridge when i get there.

busy doing nothing.

it's the first day of december. okay i admit, i am not that psyched for the holidays due to several "material" reasons. my planned out of town trip was canceled, i can't invite the only person i wanna be with on these two concerts i've been dying to watch, i haven't started my christmas shopping yet, most of my gift-giving plans will not happen, and don't get me started with my 13th month bonus which was f**king taxed for some reason!

anyways, i'm seriously considering of resorting to eBay and Multiply for my christmas shopping. i have to cut down my budget big time: thanks to my loving company who stole 10,000 bucks from me (everyone is enraged, not just me!). also, i don't have the time plus a car to go to bazaars, and again, my heart isn't really into shopping these days. shopping! i love shopping! or, i used to?? omg now i'm really sick. how could my heart be so dead this season? i've always been a fan of christmas. i love the simbang gabi, the puto bumbong, the christmas tree, the wrapping of gifts, the reunions, exchange gifts, christmas parties, new clothes, everything! i still have 24 days to uplift my mood though. can i do it? read my previous post and answer for me please.

it seems like all of my friends are so busy doing their own thing recently. what with all the movements at the office, family vacations and out of the country trips. sometimes i wish i'm part of the movement so that i can pretend to be busy as well. and my dear friend is also busy doing some stuff to even text or call me. my point is, i should be busy as well. i should be out there, super tired, sweaty and smiling. don't get me wrong, i'm fine, but i feel like i should be doing more than just sit in front of my pc and shop online. time is ticking away, i haven't went out with friends since tagaytay which is almost a week ago already. this is not the single katz.Ü

i guess it's time to get out of bed and contact my drinking buddies, i have to remedy this asap or else i'll have a closet full of bags in no time (i think i'm setting a pattern of 2 purchases per day since i got my bonus). i am so sick.