sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare.

you've got to hand it to beyonce for telling me that my guilty pleasure ain't going nowhere. oh well, it's not normal anyways to be where i am right now. i admit, i'm addicted. and as time goes by, it only makes me crave for more. however, i am worried about how this will take me. and until now, the only possible answer that i could get was: this will take me nowhere.

as beyonce sings:

♫ You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare

Either way I don't wanna wake up from you ♫

i have already gone through the extremities of most things, so i figured i should gamble. all-in. and this time what i am most afraid of is expecting the unexpected. i may have a straight flush, but what if the other has the royal flush? i am so screwed. and it's only a matter of time before all cards are laid down. tick-tock!

i have invested quite much already, i am hoping to get my return of investment pretty soon. =)

TTYL,

i'm walking away.

time to part-ay! =)

it's nearing december and i can't wait to be back to my old ways. i guess that's what i needed right now, constant party and booze to make me love singlehood once again. i needed a change in atmosphere, to be anywhere but here. i want to be positive that things will fall back into place for me, maybe not now but i'm looking forward to it. maybe God is preparing me for something much much better, not necessarily love but things that can finally put a permanent smile to my face.

i miss the perky me.

i am going to miss everything that i am about to turn my back on. it's not my wish to do it, but i have to, to keep my sanity intact. it's about time to look for my own happiness. most of the people i care for have found theirs, and it just sucks that i am not part of it. i may not be visible to them but they will always be a part of me and continue to cheer them on from afar.

maybe goodbyes wasn't so bad after all. maybe it was coined for something that has to end so that something better can enter the scene and make me feel contented with who i am.

TTYL,

ten random.

i decided to sit back and write something positive. =)

10 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT KAT

1. cyberworld is where i can be completely me.

i spend more than 80% of my time at home online.

i consider the Internet as an entirely different world where i can spit my worthless thoughts and nobody will care. my brain never fails to cram for new ideas and safekeeps them for future use.

2. i'm addicted to BAGS. BAGS. BAGS.

ralph lauren. fendi. liz claiborne. nine west. dooney & bourke. lv.

my eyes never fail to lock themselves on a store window whenever i pass by a bag store. whenever i open ebay i always feel the urge to get that shopper's bag, or that bowler's bag. i'm far from being rich and it came to a point that i want to save for a neverfull lv bag. oh my. i have bags more than anything else i have. and i'm going gaga over that classy hermes birkin bag i saw at the mall recently. yum.

3. i get tired easily.

literally and figuratively.

...i've been wanting to go the gym for regular workouts but somehow i always fail to do it. i also have very low pain tolerance and i can't be left alone for anything that requires needles.

ironically speaking,

dump me once and i'm over you.

i'd give you my world but if you continue to reject me, i will not push myself to the limit.

i have always been monogamous,

but unreciprocated love can be tiring.

4. EATING is considered a hobby for me.

top food choices:

aveneto, conti's, friday's & pancake house.

i guess that's the reason why i reject going to the gym.

because eating is sooo much better. =)

5. guy best buds are the best!

i have always been close to my guy friends bec they make me laugh and they make me realize that i am being stupid when in-love. i guess what i love about them is they always say things matter-of-factly, unlike gal pals who sugar-coat everything and sometimes tell their boyfriends whatever you tell them. with us girls, it has always been a given that if i promised that i won't tell anyone, that means i won't tell anyone OTHER than my boyfriend. =)

6. i have admitted to liking someone only once in my life.

... and i feel completely idiotic for doing that.

my time table for getting over the humiliation is around 1 month.

maybe less.

go kat go!

7. i have been tagged as a PLAYER at some point.

that's literally LMAO.

to be honest i felt flattered when i heard that, i mean wow.

i have always had this notion that if you're not hot and gorgeous, you have no right to play.

oh well, they proved me wrong.

i'm a player? hell yeah!

8. i am insomniac.

i'm the type of person who feels that time is gold and should be spent awake as much as possible. weird i know. maybe it started when i became super busy and my tiny free times were spent going online and going out on gimiks instead of sleeping. my ideal free night would be on my bed, a laptop in front of me and a coffee right beside it.

9. my room is a mess.

when you enter my small room you will wonder if a girl really sleeps in here.

i try to keep it clean, but at the end of the day.. it's back to being messy again.

shame on me.

10. what kat wants, kat doesn't always gets.

unfortunately, i am not a spoiled brat.

i have come to accept that certain things can't just be mine.

like this, that and you.

TTYL,