all good things must come to an end.

i hate such line. my mentor mentioned that once when he's planning to resign and move out of the country. sabi naman ng emo kong friend "huwag nang simulan ang matatapos rin lang," kahit gaano pa ito kaganda. argh.

and how can you end something that hasn't really started in the first place? how good it has to be before i let go? and what if i don't want to? will it turn out bad?

i am so screwed. is it really possible to be beyond happiness and extreme pain as well? yung feeling na nasa cloud 9 ka pero dark clouds naman?Ü seriously, fate really has a way of playing with my life. parang nag-enjoy ata siya. tipong he wants me to experience all emotions at the same time, and in a span of like 3 weeks? it really really sucks. nakakabaliw. mixed extreme emotions? are you kidding me? kakain nalang ako ng bubog.

at first everything is hell. i drink. i smoke. i curse. then before i knew it, it went so good. i was briefly in nirvana. and then shortly after, reality hit me. i was already in extreme pain. and guilt. i feel like i'm the bad girl. the kontrabida. unknowingly, i became attached to it that detaching myself became so hard. no one is asking me to, but i know i have to. perhaps for my own sanity?

signs that i'm still sane:

• i still cry

• i accept the fact that this is not permanent

• i worry about the people that i care about first before me

• i try to be open-minded

• i can still write about how i feel

when i start writing stuff like *%#%&*%#!@#$^($#@%%@!, then please do me a favor and call an ambulance.

can someone teach me the science of emotional detachment?