marky cielo 1988-2008

and just as the people of the philippines are celebrating for pacman's victory, the entertainment industry is grieving for the loss of young actor marky cielo. he's definitely a big loss to the industry. my deep condolences to his family and friends.

source: http://www.gmanews.tv/story/138029/Young-actor-Marky-Cielo-20-is-dead

pinoy pride.

Our PACMAN won. again.Ü manny's sweet victory against oscar de la hoya makes all pinoys proud once again. honestly? naawa ako sa itsura ni de la hoya and i wanted pacquiao to stop hitting him for a minute. hehe. the golden boy IS good looking, but our pacman is faster and better. i don't know anything about boxing and i'm not that into sports, but "The Dream Match" is something i can't afford not to watch. "it's the game of the century," my friend says. his speed and agility are unbelievable. hands down to the best fighter i have ever seen.

short-term bliss.

i am way beyond happy right now.
right now, as in right this very hour.

it is short-lived i know, but who cares?
i am being selfish right now. i don't wanna think about anything but this.

thank you for giving me nirvana again.
i don't want to think of the upcoming pain, i'll cross the bridge when i get there.

busy doing nothing.

it's the first day of december. okay i admit, i am not that psyched for the holidays due to several "material" reasons. my planned out of town trip was canceled, i can't invite the only person i wanna be with on these two concerts i've been dying to watch, i haven't started my christmas shopping yet, most of my gift-giving plans will not happen, and don't get me started with my 13th month bonus which was f**king taxed for some reason!

anyways, i'm seriously considering of resorting to eBay and Multiply for my christmas shopping. i have to cut down my budget big time: thanks to my loving company who stole 10,000 bucks from me (everyone is enraged, not just me!). also, i don't have the time plus a car to go to bazaars, and again, my heart isn't really into shopping these days. shopping! i love shopping! or, i used to?? omg now i'm really sick. how could my heart be so dead this season? i've always been a fan of christmas. i love the simbang gabi, the puto bumbong, the christmas tree, the wrapping of gifts, the reunions, exchange gifts, christmas parties, new clothes, everything! i still have 24 days to uplift my mood though. can i do it? read my previous post and answer for me please.

it seems like all of my friends are so busy doing their own thing recently. what with all the movements at the office, family vacations and out of the country trips. sometimes i wish i'm part of the movement so that i can pretend to be busy as well. and my dear friend is also busy doing some stuff to even text or call me. my point is, i should be busy as well. i should be out there, super tired, sweaty and smiling. don't get me wrong, i'm fine, but i feel like i should be doing more than just sit in front of my pc and shop online. time is ticking away, i haven't went out with friends since tagaytay which is almost a week ago already. this is not the single katz.Ü

i guess it's time to get out of bed and contact my drinking buddies, i have to remedy this asap or else i'll have a closet full of bags in no time (i think i'm setting a pattern of 2 purchases per day since i got my bonus). i am so sick.

all good things must come to an end.

i hate such line. my mentor mentioned that once when he's planning to resign and move out of the country. sabi naman ng emo kong friend "huwag nang simulan ang matatapos rin lang," kahit gaano pa ito kaganda. argh.

and how can you end something that hasn't really started in the first place? how good it has to be before i let go? and what if i don't want to? will it turn out bad?

i am so screwed. is it really possible to be beyond happiness and extreme pain as well? yung feeling na nasa cloud 9 ka pero dark clouds naman?Ü seriously, fate really has a way of playing with my life. parang nag-enjoy ata siya. tipong he wants me to experience all emotions at the same time, and in a span of like 3 weeks? it really really sucks. nakakabaliw. mixed extreme emotions? are you kidding me? kakain nalang ako ng bubog.

at first everything is hell. i drink. i smoke. i curse. then before i knew it, it went so good. i was briefly in nirvana. and then shortly after, reality hit me. i was already in extreme pain. and guilt. i feel like i'm the bad girl. the kontrabida. unknowingly, i became attached to it that detaching myself became so hard. no one is asking me to, but i know i have to. perhaps for my own sanity?

signs that i'm still sane:

• i still cry

• i accept the fact that this is not permanent

• i worry about the people that i care about first before me

• i try to be open-minded

• i can still write about how i feel

when i start writing stuff like *%#%&*%#!@#$^($#@%%@!, then please do me a favor and call an ambulance.

can someone teach me the science of emotional detachment?