The Pursuit of Internet Fame

Nowadays, there are only two reasons as to why people are into blogging business: FAME or MONEY. For money, it is kind of a long shot because to be able to attract sponsors for your blog, you have to have a decent number of unique hits. And if your content pretty much sucks and doesn't interest a majority of netizens, then you can kiss Internet fortune goodbye.

You can agree or disagree with me, but I really think that most bloggers blog in hopes of getting noticed. And at some point I think that that is okay. I mean why else are we on the Internet, seriously? What I don't like though are those who blog not because they have something to say or something to share, but because they want to be famous or because they want free shit.

I have to admit that I have attention-seeking tendencies. I think most bloggers do. Hell, I think most people do. But I can say with all honesty that I didn't start blogging to be famous, like so many people seem to be doing now. I have been blogging (privately) since 2005 and my love for writing led me to this. I started to blog back in college because I wanted to practice my writing skills and learn how to express my thoughts through written words (I used to not be very good at that). Later on, I continued to write because I realized that it is very fulfilling for me to see a documented journey of my life. It's fun to look back at older posts and see how much I've grown over time. Minsan natatawa nalang ako at how shallow my topics were way back 5 years ago!

Anyway, recently I have seen a spike in my blog hits with the post "On Loneliness" being the most viewed. I received personal emails from random people full of words of encouragement, telling me to not feel bad, that they feel the same way, or that things will get better. To be honest, it feels so good to know that these strangers take the extra time to write me a letter (effort!) w/o really expecting anything in return. I know that this might be very common for famous bloggers out there, but this is a first for me -- so I feel pressured because I felt like my blog has suddenly went public. I mean yeah, technically it is an open blog, but I always assume that only a handful of people read it. I never, never imagined that time will come that lots of people would actually be interested in it!

I think this level of pressure is harder for people who blog the way I blog, because I don’t have a skill or talent. I don’t post travel experiences, artwork, or photography; I don’t really do book and film reviews too. I just dump myself out there in word form, so I have nothing to hide behind. Anything goes. The hard part of this is when people start to notice you, they are not judging your work, they’re judging you. Thankfully I haven't encountered negative comments yet (considering my controversial RH Bill post), but I could only imagine myself when that time comes. Will I be affected? Will I just shrug it off? Depende siguro, hehe.

I guess for now I might have to be extra cautious about what I write. It is still gonna be me, but prolly less rants about how much my life sucks, lol (gotta save that for Twitter, eh?). And to those who just landed on my blog and don't know me personally, please be informed that my blog doesn't define who I am. I am much much more than this. :)

Good Enough to Stay or Bad Enough to Leave?

One of the most nerve-wracking stages in a relationship is knowing when to stay or when to cut ties and end things. For most of us, it is very confusing since every relationship goes through its ups and downs. I can't speak for everyone, but there are just some things that are sort of a deal-breaker for me. It's like, "you do this and we're done." I am not saying that I am a perfect partner, I am not. In fact, I am way imperfect that I sometimes feel I'm not even "datable." But the thing is, I am a very logic-oriented person, and I tend to mentally tally the pros and cons of my relationships, whether romantically or in friendships.

Most relationship experts agree that this not a very good approach in making a sound decision because there will always be pros and cons and determining which is "more heavier" is nearly impossible. A much better way is to look at the relationship through more realistic measures and decide from there. The problem with this approach though is how will you know which ones to measure? Might work for some, but not for me.

As this blog has constantly proven everybody, I have been in a series of failed relationships and I know I am not the perfect person to even discuss things like this. But even so, I do know that at some point in a relationship, sometimes the initial chemical infatuation you once felt will fade and resurface often. You're not going to have butterflies in your stomach every time your partner kisses you and sweet text messages will not be as kilig at all times.

The lines begin to blur when the relationship isn't awful, but not the way we want either. As Basha once said "What if we're not growing together anymore? What if nagttiyaga tayo sa ganito, sa safe, sa ok lang?" I am sure majority of us can relate right? So I ask you, what makes you hold on? What will make you leave?

I have listed down mine, but I think this is pretty universal. These are only some of the things I can think of now, so I can say that this is still incomplete (will try to update if I do remember more, lol). Bear in mind though that even if I think that this may apply to all, this is just my personal list and as I have said-- I can't speak for everyone. Read on:

I am staying if...

• I am happy majority of the time and always look forward to being with him. (Ummm, obviously)

I will give it a chance if...

• Something happened that made our relationship rocky, and compromise has been set. (Open communication is the key)
• Simple jealousy from either side and both are willing to talk it over.
• I or he is unhappy for several weeks due to boredom or dullness of the relationship. (Try to come up w/ something to make the relationship exciting)

I will seriously consider leaving if...

• Being with him just doesn't excite me anymore for more than a month already.
• I feel unloved or taken for granted and have addressed the issue but with no effort from him to make me feel better.
• Petty fights pretty much describes the 70% of the time I'm with him.

I will leave IMMEDIATELY if..:

• He physically or verbally abuses me. (No way in hell!)
• He cheats on me. (I will never tolerate infidelity)
• He threatens to commit suicide if I leave him.
• He's into drugs and is not doing anything to resolve it.
• He disrespects any of my family members and friends.
• My family/friends disapprove of him greatly and can list legitimate reasons why.
• Either of us cannot look past the mistakes for a reasonable amount of time. (Sumbatan all the time is a no-no.)
• He attempts to control my personal or religious beliefs.

How about you, what made you end your previous relationships? Have you ever been in an "okay lang" relationship? What is your limit on staying with someone and what is considered a non-negotiable boundary for you? Ang dami kong tanong, haha! Anyway, you get the idea. I am curious.

Thoughts?

On Gaining Weight

I have always been insecure of how I look. Maybe this is partly because I hang out a lot with friends who are models and stylists and I sometimes feel a little awkward when the topic is all about fashion and beauty. Because I was never that kind of girl. I always dress for comfort and rarely put makeup on, heck I even hate shopping -- it was just not my thing.

Anyway, over the past couple of months I have gotten used to people coming up to me and tell me how fat I've become. At first I really don't mind, because it is true. I really did gain a LOT of weight since 2009 and most people who knew me back in grade school and high school were surprised to see me because I used to be buto't balat before.

This is me back in 2006.

This is me now. August 2011.

However, gaining weight and telling me that I am close to obesity is a different story. Being insecure that I am, you can then imagine my reaction when someone commented on my Facebook photos and said that I am overly fat and that my older pics are better than the recent ones. I was never really that sensitive on things like that (because like I said, I really DID gain weight), but I guess it's a little sickening to hear it every now and then and I find it rude to sort of slap it to my face every chance they get.

I am "too fat?" Seriously?? I may not be skinny, yes, but I'm not fat either. The media may bombard us with Kim Chiu-thin bodies but I am not falling for that kind of craze. I have curves. And it is irritating to think that there are people out there who consider my fuller figure to be "too fat." I love to eat, and maybe if I lose the rice -- my waistline will go down to 26 instead of the current 29, but I am not OBSESSED to achieve that goal. Bottomline is, I am not in perfect shape, but I am not at my worst.

And as much as I wish I could rock today's fashion like a size 2 or size 3 model, I don't actually want to be skinny. I mean, do I look the way I want to look? No, I don't. But given this or my figure five years ago, I'd gladly refuse to turn back time. I may not have the ideal body that everyone drools over, but I am OKAY with it. So I don't get it why some people seem to have a problem with it.

That’s enough for me. I’ve spent too much of my life putting myself down. I’m not going to do it anymore.

To the Man of My Future

Here's my own version of "Letter to the Man I Will Love Someday."

Dear You,

When I think of you, I always get this mixed emotions. First, I feel really stupid for imagining someone that only exists inside my head. Then, it excites me because I know that someday my long-time search will eventually be finished and we can finally start living "the dream." But in the end, just like the rest of the girls who writes letters to "the man they will love someday," I also can't help but wonder if you really exist.

You see, I am not the easiest girl to date. I am way too far from being your ideal girl either. So unlike other girls who are confident enough that they will find someone, I fear that someone like you who will be attracted to someone like me don't exist. But then again, if a poor man can suddenly be a millionaire overnight by winning the lottery--it doesn't hurt to believe that someday I will hit the jackpot and be someone's princess too.

There are things you will not know about me in the beginning. Just like you, I will show you my best sides first and will be in my best behavior. But as early as now, I want to be honest and tell you that I did some things in the past that I am not proud of. There are secrets in my life and you may not like some of them. What I am hoping is that you, the man of my future, will still see me as a treasure despite all the junk that comes with the package.

Future man, I have met a lot of toads in the past so forgive me if I may be skeptical about you at first. There are things you will have to accept about me and the life I live and I would rather find out in the beginning if you are capable of trying. I ask that you will tell me early on before my heart gets too involved. Because to tell you frankly, I am not sure if I can afford another heartbreak. I know it seems a lot to ask but don't worry, I will give the same to you.

I ask too--that you do not expect me to change the traits that make me who I am. I am not perfect, nobody is. There will be times that I will be stubborn, lazy, or impatient. When that happens, I ask for your patience. One thing I can assure you though is that I will not ask you of anything more than you can give.

I am proud to tell you that I make a great friend, and I look forward to our long talks, may it be funny or meaningful ones. It may sound silly but I used to dream of us sitting outside Starbucks having coffee, while checking out awesome cars, pretty girls or cute guys that pass by. I imagine us hanging out in the living room eating popcorn, with you trying to steal the remote from me and changing the channel to ESPN. Or me trying to cook up a simple dinner for us on Valentines Day while you pretend to like it and tell me that it's delicious.

You will be the man of my future. That is the only thing I am sure of. I may know you already or have yet to meet you someday, either way I am just as thrilled. But even though I am excited to start my forever with you, you must know that I am not in a hurry to meet you. I don't want to rush things because I don't want us to be just like any other couples who easily give up when trials come their way. I want to know you at the time when we're both ready for each other. No matter how long it takes.

Please promise though, that you will never give up looking for me. Because even though I sometimes doubt your existence, I will never stop searching for you.

With hopes that I will be yours for always,
Kat

Remembering Steve Jobs, 1955-2011

Much has already been said upon the death of Apple co-founder Steve Jobs and until now I still feel sad about the passing of the greatest tech leader of our generation. Some may think I am stupid for being so busted up at the death of someone I never met, but I guess I look up to him so much that I feel sad because I wouldn't get to hear his amazing words of wisdom anymore.

I know that most people regard him as the man behind great products such as iPhone, iPad and all other Apple products, but Jobs is actually credited with a LOT of things in the world of computing. If not for him, personal computers might still be running in DOS-mode. Can you imagine a computer without a mouse and a graphical user interface? Jobs invented or co-invented a wide range of technologies, from actual computer and portable devices to keyboards, power adapters, staircases and speakers. His total patented technologies are over 300. Freakin' genious.

If I were to ask you, how will you remember Steve Jobs? By his revolutionary products such as iPhone and Mac? His trademark black turtleneck longsleeves and jeans attire? Through the movie "Pirates of Silicon Valley?" There are sooooo many things that remind us of him, but among all that are his memorable quotes that tell us that Steve Jobs is one heck of a legend. Here are some of my favorite quotes by this creative genious:

"We made the buttons on the screen look so good you'll want to lick them." -- on Mac OS X's Aqua user interface (Fortune, Jan. 24, 2000)

"It's rare that you see an artist in his 30s or 40s able to really contribute something amazing."
-- At age 29, as quoted in Playboy (February 1985)

"Do you want to spend the rest of your life selling sugared water or do you want a chance to change the world?"
-- A comment he made in persuading John Sculley to become Apple's CEO.

"You can't just ask customers what they want and then try to give that to them. By the time you get it built, they'll want something new."
-- Interview with Inc. Magazine for its "The Entrepreneur of the Decade Award" (April 1989)

"Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me ... Going to bed at night saying we've done something wonderful... that's what matters to me."
-- On the success of Bill Gates and Microsoft, The Wall Street Journal (Summer 1993)

"Apple has some tremendous assets, but I believe without some attention, the company could, could, could — I’m searching for the right word — could, could die."
-– TIME, 1997

"I was worth about over a million dollars when I was twenty-three and over ten million dollars when I was twenty-four, and over a hundred million dollars when I was twenty-five and it wasn't that important because I never did it for the money."
-- PBS documentary "Triumph of the Nerds: The Rise of Accidental Empires" (1996)

"Nobody has tried to swallow us since I've been here. I think they are afraid how we would taste."
-- At the annual Apple shareholder meeting (22 April 1998)



"We used to dream about this stuff. Now we get to build it. It's pretty great."
-- Keynote address at the Apple Worldwide Developers Conference (June 2004)

"Every once in a while a revolutionary product comes along that changes everything. It's very fortunate if you can work on just one of these in your career." 
-- Announcing the introduction of the iPhone (9 January 2007)

"It’s not about pop culture, and it’s not about fooling people, and it’s not about convincing people that they want something they don’t. We figure out what we want. And I think we’re pretty good at having the right discipline to think through whether a lot of other people are going to want it, too. That’s what we get paid to do."
-- On Apple's connection with the consumer (Fortune, March 2008)

"I make 50 cents for showing up... and the other 50 cents is based on my performance."
-- On his famous $1 annual salary, at the annual Apple shareholder meeting in 2007

"Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."
-– Stanford University, 2005 Commencement Address



"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
-- Stanford University, 2005 Commencement Address

Whether you love or hate Apple, you gotta admit -- Steve Jobs indeed changed the world.

Thank you, Sir Steve.