lost.

okay, i've been busy doing too much stuff lately, mostly for work, but at the end of the day why do i feel like i haven't done anything at all?

i never understood people who leave because they want to "find themselves." anyone who really knows me is aware that it's CHANGES that i hate most in the world. i hate people leaving, changing environment, awkward moments with people you just met. but now, i suprisingly do. you know the feeling of having empty laughs with people surrounding you? and that everytime you accomplish something it seems that it's not enough? like you're not sure if it's someone that you're looking for or just plain something else. i've been a lot like that lately and i'm not sure if it's driven by the heavy workload i have at the office or the fact that i refuse to go out with friends and socialize. and it doesn't help either that the people i'm always with are saying the same thing...that they're not happy anymore and desperately wants change. okay, i'm not that desperate, but i definitely want change. i want to meet new people, do different things, go in a different environment. i want to go out of my comfort zone and try my luck elsewhere.

i know that i want to get out of this daily routine but i have no idea where to go from here. i don't know what i want, who i wanna be with, where to go...but i just know i have to figure it out now.

to those who must not be named.

FILL IN THE BLANKS.

_______,

i  know you don't mean it, but you keep on disappointing me. and i know it's 100% my fault because yes, i do expect things that never happen. i miss those times when we don't end the day without communicating somehow, but now it seems that both of us are too busy to even say hi or hello. even though, i hope you know that there's not a day when i haven't thought of you and i always wish you well. you are one of the very few people whose friendship i cherish a lot.

~0~

_______,

i'm glad that you've finally got into your senses and stopped sweet talking me. we are friends and to be honest i don't appreciate you telling me stuff that aren't really true. i am sad that we don't talk as often as we used to, but i am happy for everything that is going on with you now and i don't want to mess up with it. remember: don't be afraid to try again, especially if its worth it. you've got tons of friends to back you up if things don't go the way you wanted.

~0~

_______,

thank you for being that one friend in the world that i sure won't trade for anything else ever. you're like my family, one thing that remains constant to me. i'm truly sorry for everything i've done in the past, God knows how lucky i am to have you. thank you for loving my family and for treating them your own. just do me a favor? my closet is a mess already stop making it worse by ransacking it!

~0~

_______, _______, & _______,

alak pa!!!Ü

.

my life is getting dull. i'm so desperate to meet new people.

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the FISH philosophy.

my boss recently gave me a very interesting book as an early birthday gift: "Fish!: A Remarkable Way to Boost Morale and Improve Results," by Stephen C. Lundin. the book is actually a parable about how a manager transformed a team that sucks into a very effective one by applying the four principles of work ethic:

1. choose your attitude

2. play!

3. make their day

4. be present

choose your attitude. the first on the list in the fish philosophy. why? because without it, they say that the other three are a waste. i remember the days when i go to work and i'm such in a henious mood that i don't crack a joke at anyone. do my members feel my non-presence? do they want a leader like that? would it really make a difference if i go to work with so much energy in me and pass it on to them? if yes, how do i do that? i'm the most introvert person in the world and coming up to people has become very difficult for me. luckily, the book also provided a bit of motivational management techniques that may help me become a better leader. my company put me here, so i know i am worthy. now all i need to do is to sustain it, by choosing who i am in front of my colleagues. my everyday routine totally sucks, but what do i do? wallow in pity and be ugly? or step up and brighten the day of others? ---and that wasn't even an option.